Today, I took my prenatal vitamin and ate somewhat healthy. Cereal and eggs and toast is healthy, right? I hope so, but I’m probably wrong. Anyway, I’m going to attempt to start eating right because I have to be healthy to have a healthy baby. Robert says he’s going to stop smoking so we won’t have to worry about the baby’s health in that respect. And his asthma will most likely get better. Fingers crossed he quits before I get pregnant. Because last time he was a pain in the ass to deal with. And he couldn’t quit because of the stress of finding out I was pregnant and then losing the baby. I don’t blame him one bit.
If I hadn’t been worried about staying healthy so we could try again, I probably would have started smoking to be completely honest. So much stress comes with having a miscarriage. I couldn’t tell anyone around me because none of them knew I was pregnant. We had been keeping it to ourselves because we didn’t want to upset my grandparents since we’re not married and we didn’t want people looking down on us for the same reason. And just after I told my aunt/wedding planner, I lost the baby. So, it was devastating to say the least. Six months later, I’m slowly coming to grips with the fact that I can move past it and I can be a stronger person because of this loss. Luckily for me, I have wonderful friends who are always there for me.
Two of my best friends had miscarriages before they had their children (both beautiful boys who I love and adore). So I’m not afraid (that’s a lie) that I can’t have children. My doctor said that something like 40% of first pregnancies result in miscarriages and since my body did what it was supposed to and cleaned out my uterus in a “timely fashion” I shouldn’t be worried that I’ll have scarring or anything of that sort. She said that my uterus looks really healthy and there are no cysts on my ovaries, so my body is in good shape for making babies. Which is great to hear. I’ve had a history of cysts and was even hospitalized for a ruptured cyst in 2010. Thankfully there aren’t anymore showing up and everything’s in working order.
Anyway, this is going to be a tough time but I’m glad I have Tumblr to vent to even if no one’s reading or listening.